Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
and she was petting her beer can
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
