LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
