cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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