i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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