I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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