This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
