We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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