His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
