Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize