You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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