I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize