i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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