don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
