She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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