In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize