even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
