My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
How does one acquire holy water?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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