You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize