If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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