Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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