Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
