Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
