Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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