Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
