I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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