You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
