fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
My life is pants optional.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
