i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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