We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I wish you could order shots online.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
