we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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