Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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