i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
