why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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