i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
