I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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