I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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