I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
