She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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