yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
