Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
