God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize