DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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