Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
