So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
