then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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