Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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