like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
meet me or not, i'm out of control
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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