Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
