i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
