i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
