Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
