i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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