She tied me up with her honor cords...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
