she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize