ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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