Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
