I looked at my own cervix.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
