Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
