I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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