I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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