Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
