I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
