i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
