I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You smell like stripper and shame
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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