he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You pole danced in your parka.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize