Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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