at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
