Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
