Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
